Defending Your Right to Marry a Foreign Bride
“I am just taking a moment to write because I came across your site on the internet while researching the legality of mail order bride services. I am not going to tell you anything you do not already know. You must realize that the only reason males look for foreign brides from impoverished nations is because these are the only women who are desperate enough to pretend to care about you. If these mail order brides from Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe, etc. were financially independent, or had any options in their home countries, they would not even give you the time of day. You have struck out with American women because you have nothing to offer. I’m not speaking about monetary wealth here; I’m saying you have no good qualities at all. Surprise! Did it ever occur to you that the things you look for in a woman might be similar to the qualities that women look for in men? (That is, women who have options). Kindness, intelligence, sense of humor, morality – these are all desirable qualities, none of which have anything to do with money. You are just trying to console yourself for being undesirable by saying that American women only want ‘Mr. Big.’ The only thing you can offer is passage to America and a possible green card (things that American women do not need). So you provide these things to lure vulnerable young foreign women away from lives of poverty. Are you at all embarrassed or ashamed about that? You do realize that there is nothing about you as a person that would make anyone want to marry you, only things that you happen to possess by virtue of being lucky enough to be born in the United States. You are trying to get something you do not deserve: love, loyalty, respect, companionship. News Flash: If you have to pay someone to be around you, then the relationship is not real. Accept the fact that you are a loser, doomed to be alone, or content yourself with finding another loser like yourself who may want to be with you. Lower your standards to what you can reasonably attain, and leave these poor, vulnerable women alone. I want to cry when I think of the horror these foreign women face when they are stuck with losers like you.
Sincerely, Amy”
Amy, I am going to try to start a dialogue with you. I suspect this will be difficult given your preference for name-calling, but I will still try to show you why many of your assumptions and impressions are inaccurate. In my experience, people who attack from an emotional, indoctrinated bias are rarely inclined to learn or change, regardless of the facts. However, the points I make may help others who read this. Keep in mind that every point I make has exceptions, and that focusing on rare deviations does not diminish the overall reality or benefits experienced by the majority involved.
“You must realize that the only reason males look for foreign brides from impoverished nations is because these are the only women who are desperate enough to pretend to care about you.”.
Amy, this is not true. Men select foreign brides for a variety of reasons: some for their ethnicity, some for their values, some for their charm. The list is endless. At the very bottom of the list of reasons why men select foreign brides would be desperation. Neither the men nor the foreign women are desperate. The idea that these women would leave their home, family, friends, and all the familiarities of their country for a phony marriage is a sad perspective to have of them. Believing that all inhabitants of developing countries feel impoverished and desperate is a silly notion. The majority of the women on my website are average Colombian women who lead happy, productive lives. They know only one existence; they do not step into your shoes and conclude from that that they have unfulfilled lives. The only “pretending” I see is you pretending to know me and the women you have never talked to. Unbeknownst to you, foreign women do defend their right to choose whom they marry. For example:
“I’m from Colombia, South America, and have friends who would love to find men from other countries. Not because we are so poor, as some of you seem to think, but because the men here enjoy cheating on their wives and getting drunk. But I could be wrong. It does seem you know more about my country than I do.”
You would get the same general response regardless of which foreign woman you spoke to. But be honest, Amy. You don’t have any respect for what foreign women feel or believe. My guess is that their opinions are meaningless to you because you would rationalize that, since they make choices you disagree with, they must not know what they are doing. Isn’t that right?
“If these mail order brides from Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe, etc. were financially independent, or had any options in their home countries, they would not even give you the time of day.”
Again, you belittle foreign women. A look at the women’s profiles would show you that they come from all walks of life. Some are professionals, some are students, some work as maids, some do not work, and yes, some struggle to find work. But what makes you think they do not have options regarding the men they choose or the paths they take in life? Their economic opportunities may not be as strong as in the developed world, but that does not mean their opportunities for happiness are any less, does it? Or are you equating happiness with wealth?
“You have struck out with American women because you have nothing to offer. I’m not speaking about monetary wealth here; I’m saying you have no good qualities at all.”
Before I speak about myself personally, the men who seek foreign women do so out of choice. They are not lacking options; they simply have preferences. Are you against this choice? Do you believe American women are so high and mighty that any man who chooses not to pursue one must be inadequate? You know nothing of my history, yet you jump to that conclusion. I have always had a positive experience with American women and have been romantically successful with them throughout my life. I admire the American woman’s complexity, independence, strength, diversity, unpredictability, and companionship. I appreciate the fire and spirit that many American women have. It would never occur to me to look at an American woman married to a man from a developing country and assume she did so because she failed with American men. I would assume she fell in love and he fell in love. But you don’t seem to think in those terms. To you, one must have lacked good qualities and had no other choice. Is that not a fair interpretation? You should also know that men from all walks of life pursue foreign brides—doctors, entrepreneurs, professionals, government employees. And foreign women come from all walks of life as well. Yet you seem determined to tell these women where and how far they should walk.
But let us accept your premise for a moment. Let’s say a man did strike out with American women his entire life. Does that mean he shouldn’t look elsewhere? Does that mean he must remain alone? Is it not possible that women from different cultures might evaluate him differently—and that what you see as shortcomings, they might see as strengths? Is that possible, Amy, or should we simply prohibit his efforts to find happiness?
“Did it ever occur to you that the things you look for in a woman might be similar to the qualities that women look for in men? (That is, women who have options). Kindness, intelligence, sense of humor, morality – these are all desirable qualities, none of which have anything to do with money.”
Amy, I make no claims to the contrary. I simply reject the demeaning limitations you place on foreign women.
“ou are just trying to console yourself for being undesirable by saying that American women only want ‘Mr. Big.’”
Amy, I sell matchmaking services, which means, like all businesses, I have to sell. My “Mr. Big” comment is nothing more than referring to one of the hundreds of criteria men and women use in dating. Are you telling me that some American women do not judge men by their financial stature? Is this what you are telling me, Amy, because I said nothing more than this?
“he only thing you can offer is passage to America and a possible green card (things that American women do not need).”
Boy, did my wife get a bum deal. We’re going to be living in Colombia, so she doesn’t even get that. Again, Amy, you categorize without knowing. I can only assume, from the way you like to throw accusations void of facts, that your “research” will be just as slanted. Did it ever occur to you to know what you are talking about before speaking? Let me stick your foot further into your mouth. While my situation is certainly atypical, your attack on me is personal, so I will provide my personal story. My wife comes from a well-off family. She was not a member of a Colombian marriage agency, nor did she know such things existed. She led a privileged life. She was chauffeured to the university, she traveled to Europe, she owned property, and she was pampered her whole life. Her family has greater economic wealth than I do and did not want her to marry me. I told them their daughter would not have a personal maid in the United States and that she would have to contribute to the family workload as most American women do. They told me I was crazy; she didn’t even know how to cook white rice. But even against her family’s wishes, she wanted to marry me. Her family pressured her by cutting off all her privileges, anticipating that she would buckle under. When that did not work, they threw her out of the family. Here is a girl with a very large family, where family is everything, being evicted from her comfortable home and catered life and left with nothing. She was shunned by her family for hiding her romance and wanting to marry me. Yet you blindly conclude that she does not love me and that I lured her to America because she lived an impoverished life of desperation. I’m curious, Amy: is it occurring to you that maybe you should have your facts straight before spitting venom? Because if so, then there is still some hope for you.
“So you provide these things to lure vulnerable young foreign women away from lives of poverty.”
Amy, if you were to tell these women that they lead lives of poverty, they would slap you in the face. The poverty of a woman’s pocket is meaningless to an American man. The impoverishment of a woman’s soul, heart, and values is not. Foreign women would consider you the poor person for having the latter. One of the many reasons they are drawn to American men is because we recognize that difference—just as they do.
Amy, aren’t foreign women adults who are fully capable of making responsible adult decisions? I have women on my website well into their fifties, so at what age does a foreign woman finally become qualified—by your standards—to decide for herself without you denouncing her judgment? My last engagement was with a couple both in their forties. Is she yet another “vulnerable young foreign woman,” Amy? Who exactly should decide whether these women are too young or too vulnerable to choose whom and when to marry? You? Or should we form a committee to make their personal decisions for them?
Earlier you said women look for positive qualities in a partner, yet you also insist that foreign women somehow do not value those same qualities. What makes you think these women are materialistic? Is it possible that you are the materialist, so focused on money and status that you cannot recognize that foreign women may have a very different outlook and set of priorities than yours?
“Are you at all embarrassed or ashamed about that?”
Amy, I am very proud of what I do, and even more proud of the happiness and stability it brings to the couples we help create. The only people who seem unhappy are those who, like you, try to interfere in the choices and happiness of others. As I said before, you will not speak to these women because their experiences would contradict everything you claim to believe. They choose their husbands out of genuine love, respect, and connection. You will not talk to the women who have been happily married for five years. You will not talk to the women who have been happily married for ten years. You certainly will not talk to my mother, a foreign bride who has been happily married to my father for over fifty years. She raised five children and worked for the same company for more than thirty years. Today she enjoys world travel, time with her family, and volunteer work. But you will not listen to women like her. Their real-life perspectives would clash too sharply with the false, shallow, book-learned assumptions you prefer.
“You do realize that there is nothing about you as a person that would make anyone want to marry you, only things that you happen to possess by virtue of being lucky enough to be born in the United States.”
Amy, I am a typical American man. My possessions are ordinary, and everything I have came from hard work and persistence. No foreign woman is going to be dazzled by what I own. If anything, you are the lucky one, Amy. In very few places in the world can someone make the kind of reckless, baseless claims you make without any consequences. But in the United States you can repeat unproductive ideas and promote outdated feminist myths without ever having to answer for the damage caused by such distortions. That is quite a privilege. But here is the part you may not expect: your misguided view does not affect my sense of well-being. You are right about one thing. I am lucky. I tell my wife all the time how fortunate I am to have met her, and you know what, Amy? She tells me the same thing.
“You are trying to get something you do not deserve: love, loyalty, respect, companionship.”
Amy, everything you have said is nothing more than an emotional diatribe. You offer no substance, no evidence, and no coherent argument. All you do is call names. I can only imagine that if you had physical strength to match the hostility in your words, you would behave like a bully as well.
“News Flash: If you have to pay someone to be around you, then the relationship is not real.”
I would agree. Why do you bring this up? The men do not pay for the women and the women do not pay for the men.
“Accept the fact that you are a loser, doomed to be alone, or content yourself with finding another loser like yourself who may want to be with you. “
Amy, I am a happily married man living a full and enjoyable life. Any objective person can see that your views are clouded by hate and bigotry. You dislike the idea of American men having alternatives to American women, and you carry a superiority complex and a prejudice toward foreign women. A confident woman would not feel threatened by competition, but it clearly frightens you. You hide that fear behind the claim that you are “protecting” foreign women, even as you invent beliefs and emotions for them that you have no basis to assume. If anyone should feel ashamed here, Amy, it is you.
“Lower your standards to what you can reasonably attain, and leave these poor, vulnerable women alone. I want to cry when I think of the horror these foreign women face when they are stuck with losers like you.”
I feel very sorry for you, Amy. Your self-inflicted pain comes from a vision of terror that does not exist. I hope it is not too late for you to feel better about yourself. I invite you to answer all the questions I have asked, and by that I do not mean simply respond. I mean actually answer my questions. Surprise me with an exchange free of glaring lies and insulting attacks. Can you rise to those standards? If what you believe is true, you should have no difficulty presenting a logical, factual position. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to eat dinner, burned rice.
Every criticism you see in the hate mail section of our website came during the first two years of our business. Since then, I have not been able to get a single objector to our services to agree to debate me. I suppose I understand why. They always follow the same standard theme in their attacks: foreign women are desperate; you are a loser who will exploit these women who do not love you; the government should stop you from doing this; and we have no facts to prove anything we say, but so what. Unfortunately, in our political system, facts are not necessary to pass new laws. The radical feminist advocates are doing their best to prevent American men from accessing and marrying foreign women, and our politicians, little by little, have been complying with their wishes. However, not all is lost. The same U.S. politicians are making it easier for you to marry a man. What follows are my comments in response to a blog article objecting to the “mail order bride” industry.
“While not all men who meet women through these services are necessarily abusive…”
How kind of you to clarify that not all men are abusive. I suspect some of the men, shall we say, may even be decent, good men. The liberal feminist believes that being fair means merely mentioning that not all men are abusive. If she were truly fair, she would say that the great majority of men who meet foreign women through these services are not abusive. But fair play is not their approach. According to them, if one man rapes a woman, all men share some responsibility for his crime. If one man beats his wife, all men are considered prone to do so and should be treated with suspicion and restrictions. Liberal feminists prefer to present you as a threat to foreign women.
“Since desperation is the desirable trait in your mail order bride, the more desperate the better.”
The reality is that the vast majority of foreign women who join “mail order bride” services are not desperate, and the vast majority of men who use such services do not want desperate women. Fewer economic opportunities do not mean a woman wants to go to a richer country with just anyone. Just because a woman has fewer financial resources than you does not mean she is willing to accept an unfulfilled heart. The liberal feminist assumption is that the women are desperate; therefore they cannot be of sound mind.
“American citizenship in exchange for doleful subservience.”
There is no such exchange. Isn’t it possible they both fell in love? It is ironic that the argument liberal feminists use against men who meet foreign brides through introduction services is entirely emotional, yet at the same time they cannot accept that an emotional relationship can exist between a foreign bride and an American man. The liberal feminist cannot support her feelings with logic or evidence. Instead, she relies on stereotypical assumptions that do not reflect the men or women she wants to negatively label.
“Men who use mail order bride services meet with rejection from American women.”
The majority of men who use our services do very well with American women. They are not being rejected, they are doing the rejecting. Liberal feminists want to define you as a loser simply because you make a choice they do not agree with.
“The problem must be American women and their overly high standard.”
Or it could be that these American men have standards that are simply not being met. The standard criticism from liberal feminists is that men who are open to foreign brides are not good enough for American women. If they truly believe this, why would they object to those men looking elsewhere? Yet they still object.
“Instead, he decides that he will go to a part of the world where there are not as many men to compete with.”
This statement does not reflect the reality of demographics. The population of men to women throughout the world, with only a few exceptions, is the same as the United States. The difference is the American man in normally better than his foreign competition. The liberal feminists do their best not to give you any credit as an individual. Not only are the foreign women desperate, but you were the only man she had to pick from.
“Poverty has lowered women’s standards in a mate, as long as he has a job and an ability to get her a green card.”
This is a myth the liberal feminist push. Most women would prefer to stay in their home country with the American man. They do not seek a green card. It is not the money the man has, but the good qualities, intelligence, and education that as a byproduct allows him to make money. To the liberal feminist, foreign women from developing countries have very little redeeming value, and of course you dont either since you are deemed to be of a low standard.
“The selling point of these sites is that foreign women are better than American women.”
Many of the mail order bride sites have lame and inaccurate selling techniques. Foreign women are not better than American women. The liberal feminists highlight some of the trash selling in an attempt to disparage the introduction industry, but the selling techniques have nothing to do with the men who use such services. The liberal feminists use the same inaccuracies from these mail order bride sites for their own purpose to state that, “there are not as many men to compete with.”
“I sincerely doubt, however, that the majority of foreign women feel much differently about things like small amounts of kindness than American women do.”
But she thinks foreign women feel differently than American women when it comes to selecting a husband. Here the liberal feminist tries to show that Latin and American women have the same emotional feeling and similarities, yet those same feelings are not on par with American women when it comes to choosing a husband.
“There are women who meet and marry men through these services and the entire situation is one that should be troubling.”
What´s troubling about adult men and women selecting how they should find love and who they should marry? It´s funny how the feminist troublemaker finds nothing troubling about interfering in the personal maters of adult men and women.
“The set-up is problematic.”
What is problematic about having the freedom to choose the means by which one finds a bride? Liberal feminists use vague terminology such as the set-up is problematic because they cant provide details or precise data to support their premise or objection.
“A man, who likely has come to this service because he has issues with women who assert themselves…”
Here´s another false claim that liberal feminist are unable to support with evidence. They falsely generalize that foreign women are not assertive, and since you have issues, which they also fabricated, the situation will inevitably lead to troubles for your foreign bride.
“There is something terribly wrong with women who assert themselves and that he deserves a woman who won´t.”
The selling points from low quality mail order bride sites are not sufficient for judging the quality of the men and women who use such sites. The man is looking to meet a woman he is unable to meet on his own, and the foreign women have no idea what marketing methods are being used by such services. Most men who use such services dont believe much of the hype. You can find many legitimate businesses that will sell based on exaggerated advertisement.
“If things sour between them, she literally has nowhere to go.”
On the contrary, she can make friends and stay in contact with her family, just as many expatriates do, and then decide if she wants to return to her home country or remain in the United States. We all know divorce is a fact of life; that is, some marriages survive and some do not. But the liberal feminist would have us believe that foreign women cannot weigh the risks of their decisions. Oh, I forgot. The foreign women are desperate and the American men are rejects, and neither can make good decisions.
“No marriage is without conflict, but that´s a perfect situation for conflict to escalate into abuse and quickly.”
The real situation is that there is no basis for the conclusion of the liberal feminists. They are unable to back-up even one of their objections: the men are abusive and foreign women are desperate; the men want desperate women and the foreign women want U.S. citizenship; the men are rejects with issues who cant compete and foreign women are helpless and have low standards. The so called perfect situation is void of any facts; its completely made-up.
“It´s a good thing that the Senate is looking into this.”
Yes, it´s good that there is still no end to the interference Government and its meddling advocates will play in our lives. Even though the foreign women are consenting adults, the opinion of the liberal feminist will not be swayed and she will continue to butt-in regardless. What would she say if the Senate proposed to limit who she should or shouldn’t marry? Obviously being an adult is not good enough for determining how men should meet women, where they should meet, and who they should marry.
“So clearly exploitative going on right under our noses is nothing to ignore.”
The liberal feminists have shown no exploitation nor provided any facts, only an unfounded bias toward foreign women and American men who chose to marry foreign women. American women who marry foreign men comprise approximately 40% of all marriages to foreigners. Does that make the foreign men desperate and the American women who married them rejects and of lower caliber?
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
“It makes me so sad that you are selling girls and women! People are not something to sell. If you had morals and understood values you would not be involved in this. My only comfort comes from the knowledge that you will get what you deserve. I know this because if there is a God or higher power they will NOT let you get away with something as terrible as this. I hope that you rot in HELL!”
Jane, I am not selling girls. Where would you get that idea? I facilitate a communication and connection between mutually consenting adults who voluntarily choose to correspond with or meet potential marriage partners. This concept is no different then any other domestic dating agency. Why would your morals and values object to people finding love? As for getting what I deserve, I am already getting the satisfaction of seeing happy couples come together from distant lands. I feel sad that you feel this is so terrible.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
“My name is Sandra, I am a disabled woman due to a car crash accident since I was a child. Checking some forums I found your posting about your site, your business seems good though I´d call it pro prostitution and well it promotes some kind of “trading women” which is not so cool or fine.
Anyway, I am interested on finding a man for making a business marriage in order to get legal citizenship into the United States due to medical issues. I offer a good payment if you help me to find a guy (older than 38 years old and single) for making this business deal, I need an answer soon, please just reply if you can help me with my request. Thanks.”
Sandra, International Introductions does not have any association or similarities to prostitution or the trading of women. How do you derive such thoughts? We do not do anything illegal or immoral, which means I will not be able to help you with your request.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
“Hate your web site, out of place in the 21st century!”
Since you do not provide any details, I suspect you hate the concept of the website. Is it because you despise people finding love from all corners of the world or is it because you object to people freely having more options in life?
“I don´t object to people finding love I object to you making them pay for it and it is almost in my opinion a slave trade but anyway I am a designer not an activist.”
Why would you object to someone freely paying for services they want and women freely choosing who they would like to meet or not meet? Someone has to pay for the communication services and the men do so willingly. You must also object to someone paying to take you out on a date, since they are obviously “buying” your love? How can you tie this to slavery when it is the complete opposite, women and men freely and independently deciding who they may want to marry? You sound very totalitarian. I suspect you just object to the competition and men´s freedom of choice.
“Totalitarian? Very weird interpretation, I have been accused of being a bleeding heart liberal but totalitarian that´s a first! I´m sure foreign women do it willingly to escape the poverty they are in. You are simply, in my opinion, exploiting their poverty anyway targeted at the correct market well done! ewwww it made me cringe saying all that yuk!”
Why do you project an unfounded prejudice towards impoverished women? Do you believe foreign women are unable to think for themselves? Do you really think that their family and friends and the only life they know is meaningless to them and they only seek material gain? Don´t you think that they have emotions and a desire to find real love, regardless if it´s from afar or at home? Don´t you think men want the same? What about the many Latin women on my site who have a college education? Are they also exploited too? It appears that women who do something you disagree with are being exploited. Why do you have such a low opinion of foreign women´s faculties? If an impoverished man marries an American woman is he also being exploited? Or are you sexist and believe only women can be exploited? Why did you avoid answering most of the questions I asked you? Maybe your answers would reveal an image you don´t want to see. Why do you make proclamations that show a lack of knowledge without substantiating anything you have said with facts or references? Why do you allow your opinion and emotions to overrule logic, reason and happy endings?
You don´t think it is totalitarian to use the word “hate” so freely and quickly. I just matched a young Australian widower with a beautiful daughter with a young Colombian woman also with a beautiful daughter. They both express joy and fulfillment in finding each other from almost opposite ends of the world. I feel happy that I helped two people come together. I don´t understand why you feel this is vile and exploitive. Why do you only see the dark side of life? No doubt it is born from the belief that if any wrong or harm transpires it requires intervention from self-anointed individuals like you to control and restrict. So if a thousand couples benefit and one person gets exploited then it´s bad and should be stopped?
I defined you by your words. Your views are not liberal. They´re anti-choice, anti-freedom, and anti-women which is totalitarian. If you take some time to think, maybe you would reconsider your non-“21st century” opinion and realize that both parties benefit from my services and that the only “exploitation” comes from third parties who want to interfere with it and dictate just what is in the best interest of mutually consenting adults. Maybe you should learn to not just follow the party line, but start being a modern-day free thinker.
Anyway, thanks for the compliment. By “targeted market” I am sure you mean decent good men who seek quality women who share their values, goals and taste in a mutually-beneficial relationship filled with happiness and love. I wish the same prize for you. It´s not too late to open up your mind and break the totalitarian blinders you now wear. In fact, I think cringing is the first step to recovery.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
“I often read your website when I am in a self-hating, self-destructing mode. I often cruise through the comments section late at night and cry myself to sleep. I am a 21 year old half Japanese, half European girl who has moved to various countries throughout my childhood. However, my parents were studying in the United States at the time I was born, making me an American woman. When I read through the comments section of your website it makes me realize how useless and disgusting I am, what an utter waste of space I am… I am the product of the “exotic love affair” scenario being glorified on your website. My parents have been married for nearly thirty years now and are loving towards me and to each other… yet, I turned out to be a failure of a human being. There isn´t a second that doesn´t go by when I don´t hearken back to my father´s words about American women being “fat, ugly , materialistic, gold digging slobs” Whenever my boyfriend calls me “beautiful” I cannot fathom how he can think so, and instead hearken back to my father´s words, and go to a very depressing and miserable place within my mind and withdraw from him (both emotionally and physically) and then I go to a website such as this one , read the comments and sit in a vat of depressing gunk until I am too tired to keep my eyes open.
I doubt that most other children who are products of the “exotic love affair” scenario will turn out to be as disgusting and ill deserving of life as I am… but it is a possibility. I think it is important to watch one´s words around children. I am 115 pounds and my waist is 52cm (I don´t think this is any great accomplishment at all, but I am stating it to show that I am within what the World Health Organization deems as healthy and not overweight or obese): however, my father always went on tangents about how American women are “fat Wal-Mart pigs” and this has made me obsessively concerned with my weight. I am very health conscious and lead an active and healthy lifestyle. I don´t eat processed foods or refined sugars, or carbohydrates. I rarely eat bread or grains and when I do, it is brown rice or amaranth or quinoa and un-sprouted whole grain bread. I cook my meals from scratch etc, but I will admit there have been times in my life where I have suffered from eating disorders due to my father´s harsh and unkind words towards American women… something he seems to conveniently forget I am.
What is worse is that strangers often approach me telling me I am exotic, often denigrating American women in the process. When they hear my soft spoken, heavy Canadian accent as I speak they seem confused, astounded because my persona and voice do not match my appearance. I hate being called exotic. I do not understand it, and I feel miserable in the fact that my persona and my body do not match. Often people approach me calling me “senorita” yet I don´t understand a word of Spanish and these men and women seem confused when I reply in my heavy Canadian accent “no hablo espaniol”. I suppose because I am Asian/Caucasian this makes me look mestiza, and add to that the fact I was cursed with what people call an “hourglass shape” people are constantly confusing me for something I am not and it hurts. Most of the women on your site look very sweet and girl next door… I never fully understood what the word exotic means I suppose. I always felt women with unconventional features were exotic but perhaps I am wrong…. I hate the feeling of being stuck between different worlds and not belonging to any. I hate when people approach me speaking Spanish and all I can do is say “I´m sorry, you´re mistaken” in my hideous Canadian prairie “hick” drawl…. Perhaps if I had lived in larger urban centers throughout my “formative years” and didn´t listen to my father constantly put American woman down things would be different. Perhaps things will be easier for the children that come to be as a result of your services… still, I felt it was important to share my story so that people understand that these American women that are so frequently being put down could be one´s future daughters.
I have never cared for money though I am an American woman. I only shop at second hand clothing stores. I take public transportation, even though doing so has gotten me physically assaulted in the past. I have never owned a designer clothing item and have no desire to. I used to volunteer with ESL students, a few of them were Latinas. Many were very sweet girls. I remember there was one girl I tutored. She was Colombian and I liked her very much and thought she was my friend. One day she complimented me on my jacket and asked me where I got it from and I told her that I got it from a thrift store and I can still remember, her mouth twisted in horror and disgust . After that, she never really spoke to me. I felt horrible, heartbroken. Not in a sexual or lesbian sort of way, but because I felt I had lost a friend and because it harkened back to high school, being made fun of for my clothes etc. I was never really able to make friends and often people wanted to be my friend for superficial reasons and upon finding out that I didn´t engage in materialism would often “dump” me or use me for my inability to say “no” when it came to lending money or helping with homework and other such favors. Then I would find out they were making fun of and gossiping about me behind their back despite all the favors and kind things I did for them. I have been used and pushed over by people of all races, Americanized or not I do feel that American culture is very much about materialism, but that there are American people out there who are not about materialism, at all. Also, many foreign nations have less pervasive materialism than America, but some individuals from such countries are very capable of being or morphing into someone highly materialistic.
I hope that you will post my email so that commenters will call me a fat, ugly, gold digging pig and go on about how they are glad to get away from psychotic, disgusting American women such as myself. However, what they will not realize is that, when they marry their foreign bride of their dreams, they are one step closer to producing a woman like me. Confused, self -hating, lonely, (even when surrounded by great people who love and care for them), wanting desperately to be accepted…
Feel free to insult and denigrate me all you want, but please post my email in its entirety.”
My first impression was not to post your comments, I saw little informative value. Seems to me you should be communicating with your father not me. However, putting aside your sarcastic self-loathing, my opinion, as stated on the website, is that one should not insult American women. I only have good memories of American women and feel fortunate for those that shared their time with me. The fact that some men feel like insulting American women and having preferences for other women should be of no concern to you or anyone else. It is how they feel based on their personal experiences and right or wrong is irrelevant to how you should lead you life. There only words. Yet, for some reason you took the time to comment basically about the wrongs of generalizations and put-downs. I wonder, did you write a similar letter to the Taliban for hating Americans (like you) and for their brutal acts towards women? Did you send a letter to Congo for hating Americans (like you) and raping their women at staggering rates? Did you send a letter to Sudan for hating Americans (like you) and practicing female genital mutilation? I suppose not, because in your safe comfortable home you can contemplate the true misfortunes of women, the words and opinions of strangers that literally have no bearing to the progress and choices of any woman. Your letter was posted for one reason, to show the misguided complaints and objections some women have for controlling or eliminating the opinions and choices of others, when such words and decisions carries no personal toil towards anyone. But where there are real injustices to women, you stay at home and write me.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
The following exchange was edited to improve the flow and grammar.
“Jamie I think you are using the word totalitarian in a wrong way. If a person hates your website it is not totalitarian, they don´t try to force you to do anything against your will, they are only giving their opinion.”
The reason for her hating my website is why she is totalitarian. Opinions come from a belief. And her belief is coming from an ignorant and repressive mindset. I guarantee you if it was within her power to put a stop to this, she and other people who think like her would do it.
“Here in Sweden we have some bad examples about how foreign women have been abused in this kind of arranged marriage where the girls mostly come from Thailand and African countries. I don´t know if they are less smart than Latin women (I don´t think so).”
Our introduction service does not arrange marriages. We aid in the connection process. The man and the woman will determine what if any arrangements will be made not us. As for abusive marriages one can always find bad deeds that are the exception to the general rule. Why do you want to guide and live life by the rare exceptions?
“Because of the immigrant rules they can´t go to the polls. They have to live in Sweden for two years to stay permanently in the country. I don´t know the rules in the USA, hope they are better.”
So what is wrong with that? Most American don´t go to the polls, so does that mean they are being exploited too? Because some immigrants don´t vote, does that mean they´re not protected by our laws? They are fully protected. This is a meaningless statement.
“Maybe you make some people happy and they are finding love, still you are exploiting the poor situation. And I think it puts some foreign women in a position where it is hard to get out of if they happen to get in to an abusive situation.”
I am not exploiting anyone. Why is it exploitive for people to share a new life together that is better for both? You don´t want foreign women who live in “poor situations” to leave those situations? This guise that foreign women are being exploited has no basis in reality. Could any of these women possibly be exploited? So Sweden doesn´t have any divorces where men or women exploit and take advantage of the other? Are you anti-marriage because some men in Sweden beat their wives and these women are afraid to leave the relationship? If it could have been proven that women from underdeveloped countries were taken advantage of more often than the general population, the feminists would be blasting this to our leaderless politicians to do something. But the truth is that it doesn´t happen. Foreign women are not being abused. They know that the vast majority of American men make good husbands compared to the rest of the men in the world. Latin American women like American men because the Latin women from their countries who have married American men simply tell their family and friends what good husbands we are. The positive word gets around. Your standing on this issue is based on a fabricated myth that these Latin women are helpless, fearing, passive, and abuse-accepting. You absolutely have no idea of Latin women to say something so stupid. The totalitarian didn´t answer any of my questions directed to her. Why don´t you answer these questions and then we can see where this leads.
“So if a person doesn´t agree with your opinion and your business because they think that you are taking advantage of people´s bad economic situation they are automatically a totalitarian person?”
No, I would not call someone totalitarian for this. She said more than that. I defined her by her inability to justify or be consistent with her own opinions. One of the first things she said was “I object to you making them pay for it and it is almost in my opinion a slave trade…” How am I “making” anyone do anything? All parties involved do so voluntarily and freely. How is this a “slave trade?” Personal choice makes them slaves because she objects to their self-determination? I clearly listed why I defined her in such terms, but you chose to ignore those points.
“What do you know about the whole underlying ideological mindset about a person from a short opinion in some lines here?”
I try my best.
“How can you tell that the person wants to prevent you for what you are doing for a living if she had the power? Maybe she only wants to convince you with her opinion?”
Unlikely, our societies would not have thousands of rules and laws on the books if such people were not prone to insist that you abide to their way of thinking. Most people want to do more than just to voice an opinion. They want others to follow it.
“To judge people to be in any aggressive form as totalitarian is not open minded.”
Who´s not being open-minded? She answered only one of my many questions and you didn´t do much better. It appears neither one of you are open-minded to the truth. You simply avoid it.
“Now you are demanding my opinion and you didn´t even read my words correctly. I said something positive also which you forgot, “Maybe you make some people happy and they are finding love.”
I did not miss these words. The positive aspect you mentioned was not relevant enough for you to conclude that the overall picture is vastly beneficial to the individuals involved. It was almost irrelevant to you. If anyone “forgot” what was said it was you disregarding what you said, so why should I not do the same?
“You wrote, “If it could have been proven that foreign women from underdeveloped countries were taken advantage of at a higher rate than the general population, the feminist would be blasting this to our leaderless politicians to do something.” The feminist do. And you don´t even have to be a feminist to do so.”
Yes, to some degree they do and they may not all be feminists; yet they are no facts to substantiate their position. Unfortunately, you don´t need facts or good reasons to make laws, just power. American men have been bringing in foreign wives to America ever since the first ship landed on the continent and it has never stopped. Different people from different lands who adapt to the American way help make our country great.
“I don´t think Latin women are stupid or “helpless, fearing, passive, and abuse” by nature or culture. But I think some of it is a result of poverty. People who have a bad living situation often think that things can´t get any worse. They are taking the opportunity for a better life. Probably most men in the USA are good people. Some are not. That is the problem.”
So are you saying, that the Latin women who are middle upper class can accept a marriage proposal from an American, but those of a lower class can´t make that decision, because they can´t think properly and because you don´t want them to take the opportunity for a new life because some American men are bad, thus making the whole process wrong? Please tell me you are not professor of logic in Sweden. As I pointed out to you before, just because a very small minority creates a problem, that doesn´t mean the large majority of others don´t deserve solutions to their problems. They are problem people and problem incidences in all aspects and activities of life. And it is up to individuals to weigh out those risks in determining their future, and not for you to do so for them.
“Still you take advantage of people´s hopes and dreams for profit. And marriage is for love “in the first place” can´t we say that?”
I do not take advantage of anyone. Can you give me at least one specific example of how free choosing adults are being taken advantage of by me? We all have “hopes and dreams” that don´t always come true. A minor league baseball player has “hopes and dreams” to become a major league baseball player for a team that makes its decision on the profitability of that player. If he doesn´t make the majors are you going to defend his exploitation for having his dreams broken or do you only defend the down-trodden foreign women who you believe can´t think for themselves without your assistance, because they just don´t know what is best for them? I guess it is better that foreign women´s “hopes and dreams” just don´t get fulfilled because we can´t have anyone´s aspirations not come true. Why don´t you just admit that it is irrelevant to you what foreign women think because what you truly believe is that you know what is best for them and they don´t?
“I think your business can do as much harm to women as it can “liberate” for some.”
Yes, because you believe that if one person is harmed then the activity is wrong for all.
“For me your business is a bit dirty. If you did it for free I could understand.”
Now we are getting somewhere. The whole time you are trying to make a point that this is harmful to foreign women, even thought the facts don´t bear this out, and now you tell me that if I wasn´t getting paid to offer my time and services then it would be OK to do this “dirty” business. You are obviously anti-capitalist and at the same time provided a very weak argument for your position. In the U.S. “profit” for most of us is still a good word. I want to profit and I want everyone else to profit and make a profit. Profit is a good word. It means that I am being rewarded for services that people find truly helpful.
“And if you really would like to do something good for foreign women, work or give some money to helping organizations. At least you can give something back from profiting in this situation in the third world. Maybe you already do?”
What, if I am a philanthropist then I am a good person and can be forgiven for making a “dirty profit?” Listen, I don´t expect to convince someone from socialist Sweden that Liberty, Freedom and Individual Rights are more important than the State. We clearly have a different philosophy. It would have been nice for you to have represented yours using facts, but I understand that this would create an inconsistency with your beliefs. And we can´t let the realties of nature and people disturb these, “I know what is best for others” thoughts you have. I have no doubt you mean well. You simply don´t understand the big picture or how harmful the implementations of your views actually are to the world.
“And don´t judge my general opinion on marriage as an institute of love from my opinion about your business!”
I only compared your disapproval for foreign women you consider to be impoverished to abused Swedish spouses being abused. If you want to prohibit one from happening (American men marrying foreign Latin women) then to be consistent you would have to prohibit indigenous Swedes from marrying because either marriage may descend into an abusive relationship.
“You can defend your business and I can understand that. What I can not understand is the way you try to tell me what my opinion is. I think you have a tendency to be intolerant.”
I defended an uninvited message because I do not ideally stand by falsehoods. At the same time I didn´t expect to change your mis-sighted views. As I said to you before, you want to believe that your opinions are right and you simply won´t allow the light of truth to reveal that you have opinions that are dark or harmful.
“Then you call my country a socialist state. It is not. It is a capitalist (free market state) as much as the USA with the difference that we are more social system grounded than most capitalist countries.”
If Sweden is not a socialist country then my Economics degree was all for nothing. Why is Sweden referred to as the “Socialist Paradise”? You have a Social Democrat Prime Minister supported by the left wing Communist and Green Parties. Sweden has one of the highest tax rate and largest welfare system in the world. Yet to you it is not a socialist country.
“If you would not do this for business (and for profit) you would probably have another aspect to the love matching. Knowing that money rules your focus is what puts the dirt in the machinery. I think love should be a commitment of feelings not a market trade.”
Good for you, then you must be against all matchmaking and dating services. Money does not rule my focus. I focus on satisfying a female customer and a male customer. When I bring the two together in mutual satisfaction one of my rewards is what you call “dirty” money. Commitments and feelings don´t vanish because someone uses me as an intermediary for finding love.
“By the way, if you think you are going to convince anyone with your raillery, you are wrong.”
Fine. I hope I at least convinced people that you are a great debater. There is no point in continuing this discussion with more examples of your faulty reasoning since you bypass registering those points. You refused to answer my questions, because you can´t provide valid answers to support your position. You are inconsistent and contradictory with your arguments. You have emotional opinions, which you prohibit facts and evidence from changing, and you hide behind a false good-guy shield. Let us end this by concluding that I am the ruthless and profit-seeking slave trader and that you are the pious and open defender of the disenfranchised who knows best for all.
Jamie
Engage the Exotic
