The Questions to Ask to Find a Hispanic Wife
Our objective is to find you a Latin wife. You will meet many Latin women who will have qualities you seek in a wife. But with so many beautiful women, who will have the right qualities? It’s very difficult during the early dating stages to determine if a particular woman will be a six-month girlfriend, a three-year wife, or a lifetime wife. To find a good wife will take comprehensive knowledge of the woman you are dating, focused attention to your objective, alert observation skills, and pinpoint recognition of any potential attributes, signs, or behavior that could derail the relationship in the future, and even then there is no guarantee. One will never know what difficult situations a relationship may face and how couples may change over time. A long-distance, mixed-cultured relationship creates its own challenges. You won’t have the casual up-close dating rituals of knowing and understanding your girlfriend that we are use to. Your short visits to Colombia will require a different approach in evaluating the many Hispanic women you will meet. Unless you want to make many trips to Colombia to find a wife, it is best to determine who fits the criteria you have for a wife by asking the appropriate questions early and often. Only when both the husband and the wife have true compatibility and love will a marriage prosper and last. Love alone is not sufficient.
The sample questions we provide below along with your own follow-up questions (why, when, where, who etc.) will help reveal your compatibility with potential partners. The timing for the questions is important and will of course vary depending on the stage of your relationship. For the group introductions, keep most of the questions and conversation light, fun, and spontaneous. Share pictures and aspects of your life and hometown. For your one-on-one dates, have mentally prepared questions to learn who shares your interests and values and complements you goals and needs. The questions should be open ended to avoid leading the women to an answer that meets your expectations. Hispanic women have a tendency to be very courteous and gracious in your presence and often say things to be kind and polite rather than true and direct, especially if they feel they will cause hurt or create disagreement. For example, instead of saying, "Religion is very important to me, please describe your faith in God." Ask the question without exposing your position or feelings toward the topic. For example, "Do you go to Church?" and follow-up with a why you do or do not go to Church. Make the exchange of questions enjoyable and entertaining. You want your date to see you as a fun suitor and not as a dry interviewer. But be alert to any questions that are not definitively answered. Many Hispanic women will give answers that are incomplete and insufficient without further follow-up from you.
As you begin to know her intimately, personal questions become appropriate. Take the time to know how her day went. Daily communication will allow you to see how she reacts to different conditions, such as stress, sadness, frustration, hurt, and anger, and how the idiosyncrasies of your personalities blend under these different scenarios. The content, passion, and frequency of her emails to you will tell you the depth and extend of her interest. She should answer all your questions and have questions herself. We provide the women with similar questions, but Hispanics are not an inquisitive culture, and you will get less inquiry from them. The learning and questions should be ongoing, and her actions should coincide with her answers. If her behavior is not consistent with her words, you should be hesitant to move forward in the relationship. It is important that you feel comfortable that there is long-term compatibility before love develops. Once you start falling in love your body chemistry changes, causing you to have obsessive feelings towards your partner and blindness to any red flags or flaws in the relationship. At a later stage such flaws may lead to a break-up. We suggest that you do not make a commitment to marriage until after a second visit. While no precautions can guarantee a permanent match, it is within your power by good evaluation of her answers and behavior to identify incompatibility and inconsistencies before making a commitment. We can also help as a resource for advice and assistance at all times and stages of your relationship. With the proper approach you can find, without compromise, one of the gems of Colombia, a beautiful Hispanic wife.
Where would you like to live? Why?
Would you like to live in a rural setting, a city, or a suburb?
(The vast majority of Hispanic women you will meet live in the city; however, many visit relatives out in the country where conditions are stark.)
Do you currently have any family or friends in the United States? If not, you should verify this. If so, where do they live?
What do they do?
Are you close to them?
How often do you communicate with them?
What have they told you about the United States (the good and the bad)?
What is your perception of the United States (the good and the bad)?
(Have her tell you as much as she can about your home country and what gave her these perceptions. You will eventually need to teach her your customs and laws.)
Do you have a passport? If yes. at some point you should look at.
Have you ever been outside of Colombia?
Where and what did you think of the place you visited?
Where would you travel if you could go anywhere in the world? Why?
What was your favorite vacation? Why?
If you were to leave Colombia, what things would you miss the most?
If you were to leave Colombia and marry in the United States, how frequently and for how long would you expect to visit Colombia?
If married in the United States, are there any situations in Colombia (a sickness or an event) that you feel would require you to return to Colombia?
How often would you call home?
What is the longest period of time you have been away from your family?
(A woman who is too dependent on her family may not be able to withstand the separation of living in another country. Some homesickness is natural and most can adjust, but you will need to determine if she can. For example, when she is with you in Colombia, is she in constant communication with her family? Does she sleep in the same bed as her mom?
There should be sadness in leaving her family and friends, but the excitement of being with you should far outweigh this. Most Colombians have many people living under the same household. Privacy and quiet are rare. Is she independent enough to be in a house for extended hours on her own, and if she never had to, how would she know she can?)
Where was the coldest place you have visited and how did the cold affect your visit?
How would you react to living in a cold climate? Would you complain about it?
What is a comfortable in-door temperature for you?
Can you go above or below this temperature to satisfy your partner?
(It rarely goes below 70 degrees in Barranquilla and many women even find sub-tropical climates or an air-conditioned room to be cold. At night such women may want to sleep with clothes, while you prefer they wear no clothes.)
If I were to move to Colombia (or select a country) in the next year or two, how would you feel about that?
(The vast majority of Colombian women have no concerns on where they would live with their husband. It is not the location, but the guy that matters to them. Most of the women would prefer to live in Colombia to be close to their friends and family. It is a big misconception that the women are desperate to leave their country. However, you should be cautious of the motives of any woman who has a strong desire to move out of her country. She should move only because she is in love with you and wants to be with you, wherever that may be.)
Describe your daily schedule?
Tell her your daily schedule and ask if she has any problems with this?
What do you like to do in your free time?
Describe yourself in one word?
How would you describe yourself?
Do you have a pet name or nickname? Why?
Do you have any super powers?
(Remember, don’t make it all serious. Mix in the jokes, be funny, and keep her laughing.)
By what character qualities do you try to live your life?
What is the meaning of your life?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
What are your priorities?
What was your greatest accomplishment?
Would you like to be famous? For what and why?
What are your passions?
How often do you go to clubs or parties?
Are you a risk taker?
Do you prefer spontaneity or stability?
What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
What is something most people don’t know about you?
What kind of people do you like?
Who is your best friend?
How many close friends do you have? (A woman with many male "friends" would require more scrutiny.)
Have you ever had a friend who was disloyal to you?
How would you tell your parents and friends we met?
How do you describe me to your friends?
(It is important that you meet her family and friends, but it is best that she does not have her friends tagging along on your dates and that almost all of your time is spent as a couple, not in a group. You should not meet her parents until the both of you are in a committed relationship. Requests to meet her parents early should be viewed with suspicion.)
What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
What is the worst thing that happened to you?
How do you handle conflict?
How would you behave in an emergency situation?
Do you take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes?
Do you believe people learn from their mistakes?
If you were really in trouble, who would you go to for advice?
Do you know how to drive? If not, do you have any hesitation about learning to drive?
If yes, how long have you been driving and how frequently do you drive?
(Most Colombians do not know how to drive.)
If you could relive and or alter one incident in your life, what would it be? Why?
If you could live one year of your life all over again without changing a thing, what year would you choose? Why?
Do you have political views?
What rights do you feel you have as a human?
What are your attitudes toward issues of race, gender, and sexual preference?
On which topics do you feel qualified at giving advice? Why?
Do people tell you that you act older, younger, or your age?
What determines that an individual is mature?
Are you polite and courteous to others?
Under what circumstances would you yell at your partner?
How do you react when you are yelled at?
Can you give examples of impolite behavior you have seen in others that you would never do? What was the most impolite thing you have ever done?
Do you consider yourself to be an honest person?
Do you feel lying is necessary at times? If so, under what circumstances would you lie?
When was the last time you told a lie and how did you feel afterwards?
Are you open and direct with people so they know exactly how you feel and think, or do you prefer to hide feelings that may hurt someone’s feelings, start an argument, or create an awkward situation?
(Most Colombians are not direct; however, I suggest that you be direct and polite with them regarding your likes, dislikes, and doubts.)
If you were on a date with a man who did not interest you, how would you let him know?
On what occasion have you admitted you were wrong?
About what things are you most selfish?
What are some of your bad habits?
What bad habits do you expect to overcome in the next twelve months?
Do you procrastinate?
How sensitive are you?
(Most Colombian women are sensitive, yet at the same time strong. It’s feminist propaganda that says these women are easily exploited. Most Latin women have fire for passion and for fight if they feel they are being taken advantage of. They are not meek women.)
Do you accept criticism easily?
How do you feel when you are criticized and what justifies criticism?
How do you define dependability? Are you dependable?
Are you punctual? If yes, do you believe most Colombians are punctual (they’re not)? If no, what makes you late and do you believe it is impolite to be late for a date or an appointment?
Do you regret anything?
What things worry you the most?
Are you comfortable in a social setting where you meet people for the first time?
Do you feel comfortable conversing with people from different backgrounds?
Are you content in your own company?
What makes you happy?
Who is responsible for your happiness?
What makes you sad?
What things make you laugh?
What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
When was the last time you cried and what caused you to cry?
Is there anything you hate?
Do you get jealous easily?
What makes you jealous?
How do you handle this jealousy?
Do you think it is okay for men to keep noticing other women even when they are in a committed relationship?
What makes you angry?
Do you get angry easily?
How would I know when you are angry?
How do you handle your anger?
How will you react when your partner does something small or big that you don’t like?
What’s something that can always make you feel better?
What things scare you?
(Hispanic women have very limited experiences compared to you. So activities you would consider normal may frighten them; for example, riding on a Ferris wheel or in a boat, snorkeling in the ocean, being alone in a big house, or sleeping alone in the dark.)
Are storms cool or scary?
What makes you feel secure and safe?
What makes you feel most vulnerable?
Which should have the final say in decisions, logic or emotions? Why?
(Most Colombian women are very emotional, and with that come strong love and passion. The possible down side is that they can be very jealous and irrational.)
What were your favorite and worst subjects in school?
Did you play any sports? (Most Colombian women are not as sporty as American women, but they are earthier and open to camping and rustic settings.)
Did you finish High School?
Have you taken any technical or university courses and did you finish? (Due to a lack of money and good planning or no sense of urgency, many Hispanic women do not finish school or don’t finish until their late 20’s or early 30’s. For many Colombian women, studying is not the means to pursuing a professional career, the career is studying.)
What is your attitude toward education and its place in your life individually and as a family?
What is your attitude and motivation for learning and seeking knowledge on your own outside of school?
Do you have a curiosity for learning?
Can you tell me an example of this curiosity at work?
Do you consider yourself a quick learner?
Do you get bored easily?
What do you do when you are bored?
Who is to blame for your boredom?
Have you taken any English lessons in the past? If so, when and for how long did the lessons last?
Do you like the idea of learning English?
(Women who say they don’t like English are really saying they have difficulty with this subject. It is much easier to say that I am not learning because I don’t like something, than it is to admit that I am having difficulty learning because it is hard for me.)
Do you think you will have any difficulty learning English?
How many hours of lessons and study per week do you think you would need to be able to communicate with me directly?
How many hours can you commit for lessons and study per week?
(You should be concerned with women who hesitate to learn English or speak the English they supposedly learned. Learning English is not difficult with effort. Those who don’t make the effort will likely be overly-dependent on you. Almost all the Hispanic women will express a desire to learn. You should pay for lessons, state your expectations, and determine if she can contribute transportation, attend lessons during holidays (a frequent occurrence in Colombia), and be on time. Learning English should be her desire and not an obligation you have to push or a sacrifice she needs to make. You should pay attention to her outlook and progress in learning. Some women are not capable of learning English and it is best for you to find this out early. A criteria used to approve the fiancée visa is the ability of both of you to communicate with each other. There will also be perceived disagreements that in reality are due to misunderstandings in language. A Hispanic bride who is not learning and progressing in English will be drawn to those (usually immigrants) she can communicate with. The importance of your Hispanic woman learning English in Colombia cannot be emphasized enough. Some women may think it is an exchange, she will learn English and you should learn Spanish. It is not an equal exchange. She is learning English because she is moving to an English speaking country. I have never heard of a situation where a married couple had broken up because the man did not learn Spanish.)
How important do you feel it is to learn the language of your new home country?
If you were married in the United States, would you watch television in Spanish or English?
If you were married in the United States, would you seek-out other immigrant friends who speak Spanish?
(Being around others who speak Spanish will slow her English advancement. If you speak Spanish, you can still have problems if you are in an English speaking neighborhood, socialize with English speaking friends, and watch television in English. Women who have difficulty learning English are likely to have difficulty learning in other areas. The woman’s motivation, study habits, attendance, and progress in learning English will tell you much about her potential to adapt and change. Women who cannot adapt to your world should be avoided.)
What is your occupation and do you like what you do?
If you do not work, who pays for your expenses?
How many different job have you had?
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Do you consider yourself hardworking?
Do you have career goals?
Are you taking any actions towards those goals?
If you could create the perfect job for yourself, what would it be?
What type of job do you think you could get in the United States? (Most Colombian employees will have a work contract; if her contract was not renewed ask her why.)
What are your life goals?
What steps do you need to take to achieve these goals?
What steps have you taken to achieve these goals?
Is there anything you feel you must accomplish before you die?
What is something you have always wanted to do?
If you had just one more day to live, what would you do?
If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
If you could meet one person dead or alive, who would that be and why?
Name the most influential person in your life. Why?
If there is one thing you would want to avoid occurring in your life, what would it be? Why?
What are some things that you simply cannot live with?
Describe your dream home?
What is your favorite food?
What are some of your favorite meals?
What foods will you not eat?
Are you open to trying new foods?
How many meals a day do you eat?
Have you ever been on a diet?
Do you have any medical conditions regarding your diet?
Do you know how to cook and do you cook?
What type of meals do you cook?
What would you cook for me?
(The basic diet of most Colombians is bad. They fry a lot of food, eat too much rice and potatoes, use too much oil, salt the meal as if they were preserving it, cook meat until every bit of moisture is gone, eat a limited variety of food, and have limited experience cooking with a variety of ingredients. Breads, chocolates, pizza, and cheeses are of particular poor quality in Colombia. When it comes to healthy eating and safe food preparation, most Hispanic women have much to learn. Perishable food is left out in the tropical heat for hours. Refrigeration seems to be a last resort. Food poisoning is much more common in Colombia than in the United States.)
Is it important for you to sit down to dinner with your husband as a family every night?
Which meals would we eat together?
What activities should happen during meals; for example, talking or watching television?
Who is responsible for the food shopping?
Who prepares the meals?
Who cleans up afterward?
What kind of movies do you like?
What are your favorite television shows?
How much television do you watch?
What kind of music do you like?
How often do you listen to music?
What type of music do you dislike the most?
What was the last book you read and what was it about?
What kinds of books do you like to read?
Would you rather read a book, magazine, or newspaper?
How often to you read?
What are your favorite topics of conversation?
Do you like a man with facial hair?
(Most Colombian women prefer men with short hair and a clean face. However, having facial hair will not hurt you.)
What is your favorite color, number, flower, animal, scent, outfit, song, music group, dance, movie, actor, book, quote, musical instrument, car, dessert, drink, game, hobby, sport, holiday, Christmas memory, gift, nightclub, restaurant, place, thing to do, etc.? Why?
(Knowing the answers to these questions is mostly sentimental. Many of us have been in the situation, or maybe just me, where our ignorance of what our girl likes is used against us. You don’t even know what my favorite color is! She’s right, how could I possibly love her without knowing this? At least that’s her position. So know it, and when you give her a nice lavender pen, it’s because, Honey, I knew your favorite color was lavender. If the pen is yellow, it’s, Honey I know your favorite color is lavender, but this is the closes color they had to lavender. Either way she’ll be happy. All that matters is that you know, not the feebleness of your effort.)
How would you characterize your family life while growing up?
Are your parents still together?
Do they live together?
(Divorce is very rare in Colombia. Having the status of divorced is not desired and at one time divorces were more difficult to attain and so many couples would simply separate and start another family even though they were legally married to someone else.)
Were your parents demonstrably affectionate with you or one another?
Did your family have any struggles as you were growing up?
What is your relationship with your parents like now?
What are some of the good and bad parts of your parent’s marriage?
How will your parents feel about you leaving the country?
What is you father’s occupation? Is he still working?
Was there a positive male role model during your childhood? If so, what did he do that was positive?
What are your favorite family and holiday traditions?
What was your most fun memory as a child?
What did people tease you about while you were growing up?
What kind of hobbies did you have as a child?
What are your natural talents?
Were you ever in a physical fight?
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
What kind of relationship do you have with your siblings?
Were you ever sexually, emotionally, or verbally abused?
(A woman with strong family values will not enter into a marriage on false pretenses.)
Are you a "morning person" or a "night person?"
Do you sleep in your own room?
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
When do you go to sleep?
How many hours per day do you sleep?
How many hours of sleep do you think you need to be fully energized?
Do you have nightmares?
Do you snore? How do you know?
Are you a heavy or light sleeper?
Can you sleep next to a snoring partner?
Do you like the television, radio, or lights on while you sleep?
Do you shower before going to bed?
Do you like to cuddle with your partner through the night, or do you need your own space?
Would you go to bed angry at your husband?
What are your attitudes towards alcohol, drugs, and smoking?
(Very few Colombian women on the coast smoke cigarettes and they are not frequent drinkers, so when they do drink they get intoxicated quickly.)
Do you have a tattoo?
Would you ever get a tattoo? If so, where and what would it look like?
What is your attitude towards doctors and modern medicine? Are there certain procedures you do not believe in because of moral or religious grounds?
Are you taking any medication?
When was the last time you were in pain?
How would you describe your energy level?
When you are sick and feeling poorly, do you like to be alone or do you like to be pampered and have someone close to your side most of the time?
Do you think it is important that couples take care of their appearance and maintain their current weight for each other?
What would be your thoughts if you had gained four kilos in one year?
If your husband indicated concerns about your weight-gain how would you react?
What steps do you and will you take to preserve your long-term health regarding weight gain, exercise, and healthy eating, and what will you expect from your partner?
When was the last time you visited a doctor and what was the purpose of your visit?
When do you think one should see a doctor?
What were the major medical events in your life (diseases, allergies, operations, medical problems)? What were the major medical events for your family?
(Discuss your health history with each other. Most of the women in Latin America do not have regular check-ups or a clear understanding of the causes of illnesses, and therefore they have more medical problems. They may believe they got sick because it rained or that watering the garden after ironing caused an illness or that entering an air-conditioned room after being outside on a hot day made them sick. Do you agree with her approach to health? Do either one of you have any habits or tendencies regarding health that should be discussed (for example, smoking, excessive dieting or weight, drug intake, or lack of exercise)? Do you have any phobias?
How often does your mood change?
Can you give me a recent example of a rise and a fall in your mood?
Does you mood ever feel uncontrollable?
Do you ever get depressed?
Have you ever felt suicidal?
(While Colombian women are generally happy, I believe there are a higher percentage of women that who are mentally unstable than in the U.S. This is probably due to their home environment and a lack of available and affordable treatment. Women with emotional or mental problems can easily be recognized without much investment in time.)
Do you believe in karma, soul mates, or destiny?
Do you have any superstitions?
Do you believe in psychics?
Name the most important spiritual element in your life. Explain why it’s important?
Do you practice a particular religion?
Do you go to church and if so how often?
Is regular church attendance important?
Do you belong to a church?
Do you pray outside of church?
Could you change your religion?
What place do you believe religion has in the world?
Which religions or beliefs are acceptable in a partner?
Which religions or beliefs are unacceptable?
Do you understand and respect my beliefs?
What religious training would you like your children to receive?
What if your child adopts a different religion, or shows no interest in religion at all?
(I have only seen a few women particular about a man’s religion; most Hispanic women are flexible in this regard. About 90% of the Colombian women are Catholic.)
If you were given five million pesos ($2,500 US), what would do or buy with it?
Name the most important materialistic element in your life. Explain why it’s important?
If a fire destroyed your home and all of your belongings, what would you do?
If you could take three things out of your house before a fire destroys it, what would you take (assuming no one is in the house at the time of the fire)?
Do you prefer to receive expensive gifts or ones that come from the heart?
How important is material wealth to you?
What is the most important thing that money can do for you?
How many cell phones do you have?
Is there any particular time you cannot be reached by cell phone if I wanted to phone a kiss to you?
(You should be cautious of women who take phone calls while you are on a date and excuse themselves, or women who ignore phone calls, or women not open to discuss who was on the phone.)
What are your thoughts on saving money?
Do you save money?
What percentage of income should be saved?
What is your attitude toward the use of credit cards and debt?
What do you spend money on?
If you are not working in the United States, do you feel you should have an allowance and how would you spend that allowance?
Have you ever played the lottery?
What do you think of gambling?
Would you ever spend our money gambling?
If you were to get a job, what would you do with the money you earned?
Whose money would it be?
Would you give any of this money to your family? How much?
Do you feel I should have a say in how this money is spent?
Do you feel it is the man’s responsibility to take care of the family?
If I lost my job, what sacrifices would need to be made and what personal sacrifices would you personally make?
How do you feel about pre-nuptial agreements?
(Most Colombian women have no experience managing money. Since Colombia life for many is a day-to-day struggle, a future orientation is often overlooked. I suggest you discuss how you will set the parameters when it comes to money (discretionary spending, budgeting, investments, allocation, family assistance, etc.) and when she would be able to share in such decisions.)
What are the qualities your future mate must have?
What is the first thing you notice in a man?
What are the traits your future partner must not have?
How ambitious does your partner need to be?
Name the three most important ingredients you think are needed to make a personal relationship work?
What do you like to control in a relationship?
Is forgiveness an essential element of a relationship?
Do you forgive easily or hold a grudge?
Is there a secret you’ve never told anyone?
Do you think the past matters in a relationship?
Do you think a healthy relationship can survive without trust?
Are you a trusting person? If not, what makes it difficult for you to trust others?
What are some examples that would break the trust you have with your partner?
What’s your definition of cheating?
Have you ever been cheated on?
If you partner cheated on you how would you react?
If he tries hard to win you back, should you forgive him?
If your sister-in-law was cheating on your brother would you tell him?
If your sister was cheating on her husband, would you tell him?
(Infidelity is rather high in Latin culture. It is very common for successful men to have a wife and lover and common for men in general. Most Latin women will complain strongly about the widespread infidelity, but like the United States it is not a phenomenon for men only. It is very common for single men with good looks or a good livelihood to have many "girlfriends." It is also very common for single women to have a boyfriend. These boyfriends could be ex-boyfriends, male friends they are having sex with, a boss, married men, men that don’t want a commitment, or men she doesn’t want to commit to. It is probably best to operate under the assumption that she may be having some type of relationship. You will know if she is or isn’t by the amount of time she spends with you and to what extent she shows and shares you with her family and friends. Colombian men are very aggressive in seeking women. A good looking woman is not going to be alone for long.)
What issues do you believe should remain between you and your partner only?
Are there issues you would discuss with your friends or relatives, but not your lover?
Can you think of any reason to lie to your partner?
If you had an intuition that your partner is cheating, would you look for evidence or communicate your suspicions to him?
Can you think of ways one could violate the trust of their partner without directly lying?
Do you believe it is okay under any circumstance to look, touch, alter, or remove your husband’s private things (drawers, wallet, voicemail messages, emails, mail, old photo albums and letters of previous girlfriends, private records, etc.) without his permission?
Do you have any privacy rules?
Do you need alone time?
Do you believe one partner should change for the other?
(It would be wrong to assume change will take place because she is in your county, if such change could happen in Colombia but doesn’t. A woman who is not open to change and improvement is not a good candidate for a wife.)
Are you dating other men now? If not, why not?
How long has it been since you had a boyfriend and how long were you together?
(When you talk about your past girlfriends, it is best not to speak negatively about them or American women in general. Don’t dwell on a past partner you can’t forget that your Hispanic woman needs to measure up to.)
Why did the relationship end?
How long was your longest relationship?
Are you currently communicating with any of your past boyfriends?
How frequently do you think the communication and visits should be in a long distance relationship?
If I asked your previous partners to list their biggest complaints about you, what would they say?
What social networks do you belong to?
Does your profile show you in a relationship?
When do you feel it is the right time to show your new boyfriend your social network account? When do you feel is the right time to show him as your boyfriend on your account or does that mater?
(Facebook profiles and the like can create jealousy, suspicions, mistrust, and snooping. Both of you should be out in the open regarding your use, sharing, and participation in such sites.)
At what point do you introduce your boyfriend to your family?
Besides International Introductions, have you ever communicated with or met a foreign man? (You will likely meet women who have never met an American man.)
Do you belong to any other agencies? If no, have you in the past?
Do you belong to any dating sites including dating sites in Spanish? If not, why not?
Do you believe it is possible for someone not to remember or know they belong to another dating site or marriage agency?
(Many Colombian women will not remove themselves from dating sites if they can hide this from their partner even if they are married. They don’t necessarily do this to cheat, but for gratification in knowing other men are interested in them.
How many email accounts do you have?
Do you believe you and your partner’s emails should be kept private from each other? If yes, why would this privacy be necessary? If no, should your partner know your account password?
Do you believe it is okay to have an email account that your partner is unaware of?
What are your attitudes about cleanliness (house, clothes, body)?
Do you keep your living environment clean and organized? (You need to determine what she finds as clean and organized and whether it matches what you consider to be clean and organized.)
Do you make your bed each morning?
Do you keep your dirty clothes in a neat, out-of-sight pile?
Do you clean dishes and wipe the counters after every meal or do you let things accumulate and clean up as needed?
If your husband works and you don’t, what should be the division of household chores, home maintenance, and yard care?
Who would be responsible for keeping our household clean and organized?
What is your opinion of people who waste food, energy, and money? For example, how do you feel about throwing away food, leaving the lights on, losing things, not securing valuables and thus placing them at risk?
(Many Hispanic women going to the U.S. can be under the impression that they will have a maid, since it is very common in Latin America for even middle-class families to have one. You will need to explain that this is not the American way and determine her intended contribution. You should also visit her home and see how she lives, and if you see things that would not be acceptable for your own home, discuss this.)
How do you see your daily life in the United States? Do you want to work, go to school, or stay at home?
In the beginning what would you do all day while I am at work for 10 hours? What should I expect when I arrive home?
(Review a list of things you believe she must learn and adapt to for the future. Are you satisfied with her intelligence, verbal, interpersonal and social skills, attributes, reliability, sense of humor, genuineness, sensibility, affection, passion, love, sexual drive, and capability to adapt? Do her interests, values, maturity, and goals match yours? It would be better to find someone to share your passions than to change someone to adopt your passions. Know the parameters of your relationship; is it exclusive and what’s next?)
What causes people to fall in love?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
How old were you the first time you were in love?
How important is verbal intimacy? Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a daily basis from your partner?
What’s the difference between love, romance, and sex?
Can you give and receive affection even when you don’t particularly feel "in love"?
Can you put your partner’s needs ahead of your own? How will you know what your partner’s needs are?
What are the things your partner can do to show his love for you?
Tell me when you first knew you loved me?
What are three physical features you get complimented on a lot?
What is your favorite part of your body?
Are you currently comfortable with your body? If not, what would you change to be comfortable?
Would you ever have plastic surgery?
What makes you feel sexy?
What is the difference between sexuality and sensuality?
How old were you the first time you had sex?
What turns you off sexually?
What characteristics sexually attract you to people?
What first attracted you to me?
If you suddenly became blind, how would your idea of the perfect mate change?
How do I smell and do you like the way I smell? (If the woman likes your natural smell when you are clean that makes the two of you genetically compatible.)
Do you believe in public displays of affection?
How important to you is a good, healthy sex life with your husband?
Do you feel comfortable discussing your sexual preferences with your partner?
Are you comfortable giving and receiving love sexually?
(In sex, do you feel her love for you? Are you satisfied with the frequency and quality of lovemaking?)
How do we cope when our levels of sexual desire are unmatched? Should we avoid sex when this happens? If yes, for how long?
Have you ever lived with a man or been engaged? What happened?
If you have been married before, what will be different this time?
How do you know you are ready to marry?
Could you be happy and fulfilled without marriage?
Describe your perfect wedding?
What are your desires for marriage roles; who will be doing what?
Does a marriage require ongoing maintenance?
What kind of things would you monitor in the marriage?
How would you cultivate honesty and good communication skills with your husband?
What things should be "yours" and what things should be "ours?"
Would you prefer a calm, loving, consistent marriage, or one that was full of excitement and crazy times with occasional disruptions?
What don’t you like about me? Under what circumstances do you believe it is okay for the husband and wife to take separate vacations?
Would you want a pet? If yes, how many and what kind?
Who would take care of it?
Does or would your pet sleep in your room or on your bed?
What behaviors are unacceptable for a pet?
Can you get rid of your pet if it becomes destructive or dangerous?
What are your needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship?
How should friendships with the opposite sex be handled?
(Is it easy for you to support this or does it bother you in any way?)
What type of assistance if any do you expect to give your family in Colombia?
(It is not an obligation for you to provide such assistance and it is not as common as some Americans are misled to believe.)
What place does the other’s family play in our family life?
How often do we visit or socialize together with our family?
If we have out-of-town relatives or friends, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods and if so how often?
Which family members should we buy birthday or special holiday gifts for (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, nephews)?
How might you or your partner change that would cause your marriage to end?
(Discuss and agree on definitive dates for coming to the U.S. Sometimes the visa process can be very quick and the woman may want to delay leaving Colombia because of school, work, family responsibilities, or other obligations that could take you by surprise. For example, the Colombian universities are run by disorganized monkeys. Strikes, administrative foul-ups, changes in school criteria, and incompetent professors can delay graduation dates. Know all the preparations she will need to take to be ready to go when planned and what, if anything, would be an acceptable delay.)
Do you have any children?
Is their father still involved in their life?
How frequently does he see them?
Does he provide financial help?
The father of your child would have to sign documents to allow the child to leave Colombia; will he do this? (It is best to discuss this with me prior to the father having any knowledge of you.)
Who comes first, your future spouse or your children?
How may I discipline your child?
What roles do we play in raising each others children?
Are you willing to take care of my children?
(Observe how the child behaves in public. Does the mom ever discipline her child and how does she do so. Is the child alert and active? Most single Colombian women with children get very little if any support from the child’s father and from my perspective the women over-coddle the children, yet as mothers they are less attentive to potential child hazards. The percentage of Hispanic women with childhood scars is higher than for women in the United States. A mother not wanting to bring her child with her on a fiancée visa should be suspect. Most single women with children are usually more open to older men.)
Danica, daughter of Jamie
Do you want to have children? If so when and how many?
How important is having children to you?
If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?
Should our children learn Spanish and how would this happen?
Do you know what your preferred names would be for future children?
What would be the spiritual upbringing of any children we might have?
Under what circumstance, if any, would our child sleep in our room?
If I am working and you are not, should you get up with the baby at night, or should we take turns?
If we have children, would anything change regarding our roles and responsibilities in the house?
How would you respond to the following child-rearing situations?
Your one year old spits or tosses food on to the table floor because he thinks it’s a funny game.
Your two year old throws a small hard object across the room, in your general direction.
Your three year old refuses to put his toys away. He just doesn’t feel like it.
Your four year old throws a ball across the living room and breaks something on your shelf.
Twice a week your five year old wakes up in the middle of the night and calls for you. He will not go back to sleep unless you sit with him, sometimes as long as an hour. If you try to leave he cries and screams, or comes running into your room.
Your six year old strolls over to a friend’s house alone without your permission, crossing a busy street in the process.
While grocery shopping, your seven year old secretly tosses a candy into the shopping cart. You don’t notice until you get home.
Your eight year old asks why people have to die. She wants to know when you are going to die, and when she is going to die.
Your eight year old is being called names at school.
Your nine year old refuses to eat many of the meals you serve; especially her vegetables, yet she still wants her snacks and desserts.
Your nine year old was caught looking at pornography on the Internet?
Your ten year old loses all interest in her piano lessons and tries to avoid practice sessions using different excuses.
Your eleven year old wants a new bike, but you can’t afford one right now.
Your twelve year old wants to wear make-up to school like her best friend.
Your thirteen year old comes home with his breath and clothes smelling of cigarettes. He denies it, but it is unmistakable. There are none on him, and none in his room.
Your thirteen year old is not doing her homework.
Your fourteen year old brings home an average grade for a subject in which she normally received excellent grades.
Your fourteen year old daughter wants to go on a date with a boy?
Your fifteen year old wants a weekend job to make some extra money, but he needs you to drive him to and from work.
Your sixteen year old is on the high-school debate team and wins the regional championships.
Your seventeen year old daughter is pregnant.
Your seventeen year old son got his girlfriend pregnant.
Your eighteen year old doesn’t want to go to the college like you had hoped, but she still wants and needs your financial support.
(Almost all Latin women of childbearing age without children will want children.)
Men with some experience in Latin America will frequently advise other men in search of Hispanic women that it’s advantageous to learn how to dance. Most Hispanic women clearly love to dance, but this desire applies to most women world over. Being good or bad at dancing will not have an impact on a woman falling in love with you.
I was an advanced Salsa dancer from Los Angeles and actually visited Colombia for the first time with the expectation of dancing and meeting women in Salsa clubs only to be disappointed to learn that Colombians don’t dance Salsa like they do internationally. Their version is more like running in place while hugging you partner tightly. The movements are very simple and surprisingly most Colombians (unknowingly) dance off rhythm, as do most people everywhere. For example, the women in Los Angeles Salsa clubs dance more sensual with a greater variety and depth of movement, because they have been schooled on how to dance. Very few Colombian women have formal dance experience or access to a talented teaching pool as you have in the United States. So what you wouldn’t expect, based on the cultural perception that Latinos are born with rhythm, is that American women are actually better dancers than Colombian women.
The music you will hear most often out-and-about in Colombia is Salsa, yet there are few pure Salsa clubs in the better side of town. For a culture that likes to dance, dance floors are very small and hard. Dance floors made of wood, which protects your bones, are rare, as is live or new Salsa music. I believe fewer entertainment options to be one reason dancing takes a greater proportion of Colombians time compared to other activities, but this will decrease in the United States when other options become available; unfortunately shopping is one of them.
Dancing and moving your body gracefully to the rhythm of music takes time to learn. A few months of lessons, and then thinking you’re going to impress the women, will more likely result in you looking silly. In Colombia, simply hold her close and make any type of one-two swaying, rocking, or back and forth movement, or mimic the guy next to you, and you’ll be fine. My point is, don’t worry about it because it’s not going to be an issue. If you go out dancing most women will likely take you to a contemporary club where popular dance music prevails: Reggaeton, Techno, Trance, and Pop, with occasional Salsa, Merengue, Vallenato, and Cumbia. A girlfriend who gives any indication that she is embarrassed to dance with you in front of people she knows, likely does not love you.